Now that my birthday has happened this now feels stupid to even write about this but I'm going to anyways. The day before my birthday I was having a major mid-twenties life crisis even though I was turning 24, not even 25. It seems like this is happening every year lately.
My thoughts:
"I'm going to turn 24 I should be in the best shape of my life and happy with my body, but I'm not."
"Why don't I have a baby like everyone else?"
"When am I going to have a house?"
I started freaking out wondering what I have accomplished in my life and who I was. Does anyone else do this? I realized that some of these things I can't really have right now.
Scott is going through medical school, and when he's done with that we'll move for residency. This really isn't practical for wondering why I don't have a house right now. First of all we are only in our 20's so I shouldn't even be thinking about a house until I'm 30. Secondly, we don't know when we will finally be settled and it's definitely not yet.
I shouldn't be stressing about not having a baby because we aren't even trying to have one. With our unstable life, and financial situation I shouldn't even be thinking about that right now. It's just hard not to compare our "family status" to others my age and wonder when we will have that. Right now is not the time, but I'm sure it's normal feeling this way, right?
There is one thing on this list that I can control and do something about it right now and that is my weight and health. When I was thinking about my struggle with weight I was sitting at work and I decided that this is probably something that I will struggle with for my whole life. Right then and there I decided that since it will be a struggle I should figure it out now while I'm young how to manage it and change my lifestyle. So after I had this thought I decided that I would turn again to Weight Watchers. It seems like the only times in my life where I could get back to a good weight in college was when I went to the meetings with my mom in the summers. So I went to Weight Watchers by my work at lunch and signed up. It was very scary for me to do this alone. I had tried just doing the online tracking stuff but it didn't work for me. I need accountability, which is why going to the meetings works.
I am all signed up and am embarrassed to be posting this on our blog. So why am I posting about this very personal stuff? I'm posting because this is going to be accountability too. I'm hoping to be able to share my progress and feelings along the way to keep me going. My goal is to make a lifestyle change. I'm only a few days into it but I'm feeling motivated. I know I don't have a lot of weight to lose but it's more for me to learn to drop the weight I need to and then maintain. The thing I like about Weight Watchers is that you don't feel like you are depriving yourself. If you want a treat you can have it, you just have to budget your points for it. This is why it's something that works for me. I can't be one of those people with a lot of restrictions.
I'm probably going to be blogging more about other goals I have set for myself. I hope you don't mind but this is mostly for me, but I hope that others can benefit as I know that all of us struggle with something. Here's to goals and improving ourselves!
Hey Ashley! I always read your blog but barely ever comment. Just wanted to say how amazing it is that you're doing this for yourself. I know what you mean about a mid-twenties life crisis. I go through one, I swear, like, every other week. For me it's the opposite though. I love having Esley, don't get me wrong, I just see the achievements other girls my age are having (successful job, ambitions and career related goals, etc) and I kind of resent motherhood. I resent not being able to work out alone (gyms here won't take kids until they are 3) and I hate that I can't ever get anything done when Esley is around bc he always wants to be held or he wants to run around and play (especially when we are at the grocery store, mall, while im visiting teaching at someones house who doesn't have kids... etc). Enjoy what you and scott have while you have it. Kids are so great, but it is so much more than a physical and emotional sacrifice. Good luck on your weight loss journey! I'm excited to hear about your successes.
ReplyDeleteHaha this is me to a T ashley! : ) and I'm sure I'll have a bigger freak out when I turn 25 this year. It's hard to remember not to compare yourself with everyone else but I know I'm never happy when I do. And yay for weight watchers!! Julie and I are doing just the online thing but now we can swap good ww recipes : ) you'll get to where you're going when you're supposed to get there. And happy late birthday! I meant to say something the other day and forgot. I'm glad we're NYC wahi friends : )
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments!
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